Gone
by xfrequentlydazzled
Summary: Imagine that Alice and Bella hadn’t got to Edward in time and the Volturi had destroyed him. How would Bella cope knowing that he was really gone this time? Bella/Rosalie.


**Summary: **Imagine that Alice and Bella hadn't got to Edward in time and the Volturi had destroyed him. How would Bella cope knowing that he was really gone this time? Bella/Rosalie.

**Disclaimer: **I own all the characters. At the moment Edward is sat at the piano he brought and put in my room, playing me the lullaby he wrote for me, shirtless. Jasper has his hand on my shoulder and is making me feel the happiest I've ever been, shirtless. Emmett is stood in front of me, telling lots of jokes and making me laugh, shirtless. Jacob is sat at my feet warming them up and massaging them, shirtless. And Alice and Rosalie are my personal shopping buddies and they always buy me whatever I want and we always go shopping. Yeh, I guess that means I don't actually own anything.

**AN: **My first attempt at writing femmeslash. I don't usually like it, at least in my other fandoms, but there was just something about Bella/Rosalie that drew me to this idea. Also, I'm not American so if I accidentally use British terms e.g. nappy instead of diaper (not that that would be in this fic anyway :P) please let me know and I'll change them.

**Gone. **

The past week or so has gone by in a complete blur of colour and words. I don't remember much that's happened since I arrived back in Forks, yet the things I don't want to remember I can remember so clearly. When I close my eyes those are the images that invade my mind. The very worst form of torture imaginable.

I wasn't fast enough. I saw him there, shirtless, just barely in the shadows. I remember screaming his name, running with everything I had, just trying to reach him before he did something stupid. I remember the clock striking twelve, and I remember the sparkle of his skin as he stepped into the sunlight. It all happened so fast. One second he was there, and the next he was gone and I could hear the sickening crunch of boulders slamming together and Edwards tortured cry as he was ripped to pieces.

That was when I fell to the ground. People were staring and whispering to each other but I didn't care. My life was meaningless now, and I had to live with the knowledge that I had failed and that now the Cullen's were missing a member of their family. I couldn't go back and face them, knowing that I hadn't been able to save him and bring him back. It was dark when Alice had come and found me, luckily having avoided the Volturi. I remember her cold hand on my shoulder, and her quiet musical voice cracking slightly as she lifted me up and whispered "come on Bella."

I remember asking her why she just didn't leave me to die in this square and all she could reply with was "I promised myself that if everything went wrong, I'd get you back to Charlie in one piece. I keep my promises." The words stung, even though I knew Alice wasn't directing that last bit at me, and she didn't want to hurt me. They stung because I knew I hadn't managed to keep the promise I had promised myself - to bring Edward back.

The ride back to the airport in the stolen yellow Porsche was quiet, and surprisingly slow - well at least for Alice standards, and the flight back to Seattle was even quieter and seemed to take an age. I couldn't sleep, even though my eyes were drooping. The arrival at Seattle was one of the most painful moments of my life, seeing the light escape from Esmes eyes as she realised that her son wasn't coming back. Hurting Esme was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

I remember Alice running over to Jasper and just standing there holding his hands and staring into his eyes, in a moment so private that it hurt me to witness, knowing that I'd never have anything like that with Edward anymore. I remember so clearly, Esme coming over to me and hugging me tightly even though she was hurting so much herself and even though I was the one that had caused all of this.

"Thanks for trying."

But I didn't try hard enough did I? If I had, he would still be here, hopefully with his arms around me and humming my lullaby in my ear. Kissing me on top of my head. Kissing my lips and making me faint.

That was a week ago. I haven't moved from my room since I arrived back that night. Charlie's thankfully giving me space, and hasn't tried to get Renee to come and collect me. He knows that it's different this time, because now there's no chance of Edward ever coming back. He hasn't simply run off to another state, leaving me behind. He's dead.

I think it hurts so much more this time because I know there's no chance of him coming back. At least before I could try and kid myself that he'd come back one day soon and we could go back to how we used to be. But last time he hadn't been dead.

Alice has dropped by a few times but I've refused to see her. She wouldn't really want to see me, I'm the reason why her brother is dead and she has to live forever without him. Every time she comes knocking, I can hear Charlie sigh and say "not today, Alice, she's not ready for visitors." And I can hear the pain in his voice when he tells her, because he's fond of Alice and doesn't like to disappoint her.

Hearing a knock at the door I groan and bury my face in my pillow. It must be Alice again, or even worse Jacob who has also tried to come and visit. Jacob's my best friend but seeing him would just make me hurt even more and I'm not ready for that right now.

I hear Charlie open the door and shut it again, and then I hear footsteps on the stairs. Great, he's going to come in and try and force me to talk to Alice next time.

The door creaks open and I lift my head up so I can Charlie to go away, but to my surprise it's Rosalie standing in the doorway looking uncomfortable.

"Hello Bella. Can I talk to you?"

Too shocked to do anything much, I just nod and point to the end of my bed, motioning that she should sit. What could Rosalie want? She hates me and has never wanted to talk to me before.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault."

Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she was now looking down at her hands which were twisted in her lap. I started to furiously shake my head in disagreement.

"No. It's my fault, I wasn't fast enough. I should have got there faster and then he'd be okay and he'd be back home with you."

"Bella, you can't blame yourself. Of course you weren't going to be fast enough, you are only human. Besides, it's my fault. I was the one that told him that you were dead. If it hadn't been for me he wouldn't have gone all that way to Italy to die. Will you ever forgive me? Please, I didn't know that he would react that badly. I just wanted him to come home and get over you, which I thought he would do if he knew you were dead. I really did think you were dead."

She sniffed and I'm sure that if she had been able to cry she would be right now.

"I guess I shouldn't trust Alice's visions so much. It was stupid of me." she added bitterly.

I shuffled up the bed a bit so I could reach out and place my hand upon hers. I don't know why I did it, it just seemed right. She looked at me in surprise and the corner of her mouth turned up into a half smile.

"If I hadn't have jumped…" I began.

"Don't you start blaming yourself, Bella. Edward wouldn't have wanted that."

She reached her hand up to wipe away the tears that had begun to fall from my eyes. The cold touch of her hand bringing back memories of better times and suddenly I'd thrown myself at her. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against hers, desperate for the coolness of their touch and then my hands were in her hair, pulling her closer to me.

To my surprise her arms wrapped around me, and she was responding and kissing back although she never parted her lips, just like Edward never had. The feel of her arms around me felt so familiar, although her body curved in places that Edward's never had. That didn't matter to me. I was beginning to get breathless but I refused to break the kiss because if I concentrated I could believe I was back with Edward. Cold skin meeting warm. Granite meeting flesh. I was suddenly conscious that I was only wearing my thin pyjamas and there was entirely too much skin on show but she was running a hand up my bare arms and all I could do was shudder and lose myself in my Edward fantasy.

All too soon the contact was lost and I was sitting on bed, breathing too hard and staring at Rosalie in confusion. That was certainly something that I had never imagined would happen in a thousand lifetimes.

"I thought you hated me." I mentally smacked myself for that.

"Hate's a strong word."

With that she gracefully rose and left my room, shutting the door behind me and wondering what that made us now. Were we sort of maybe friends, or would she go back to avoiding me and sending glares my way at every opportunity. I guess I'd find out sooner or later.

**AN: **So what did you think? My first twilight fic. Remember, I love reviews and constructive criticism is extremely welcome.


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